Waiting 2.0 by Stephen Martin

Sometimes the waiting is the worst
You see the lighted end
But you’re stuck in the middle of it
You’re stuck singing about it!

Then, it all stops
And a large symbol of some sort
Drags its beleaguered ass out of a trollop’s nest
& transfix’s an audience of brats
The brats dictate everything
They impale critical thought on a pick-axe
They don’t want to know nuthin ‘bout nuthin.
They just stuck good!

So, me thinks me think too much
& act too little.

Tao Of acousticsteveo

On January 1 of 2019 I embarked on a journey to write one poem each day for the entire year. This journey was inspired mostly by a fellow poet @d-pend on HIVE, but it was also inspired by a group poets I found in a discord channel called Steem Schools ran by @dobartim on Steemit.

These poets and I wrote one hundred poems in one hundred days. This experience got me into a groove with my poetry and helped me realize I was capable writing poetry every day for an extended period of time. Why not an entire year?

So I set out on my mission to fulfill my first ever New Year’s resolution. I crossed the finish line on December 31st and my life was changed forever. Mostly because of the lengthy poem I wrote called Tao Of acousticsteveo.

A Tao is a Chinese word that means “way”. It speaks to a spiritual path. Admittedly, I was practicing some cultural appropriation in choosing to exploit this word, but I was also attempting to be a bit ironic.

I was hoping that the irony of a middle age white guy with no pedigree of leadership, putting forth a spiritual document, ascribing an esoteric discipline, would result in humor as a catalyst for inspiration. It worked. I was able to use my own poetry to transform myself spiritually, and in writing the poem I illustrated a formulaic avenue others could follow to provoke their own personal rejuvenation.

I was doing shadow work. Shadow work is where you look at, and deal with, your faults and traumas. In writing this poem I was able to go back to the beginning of my life and explore what contributed to making me my present self. It was eye opening, transforming, transcendent, and painful. It was life altering. Old stuff that I had pushed into the corner was finally aired out. I could now release so much and the weight of life suddenly became a lot more bearable.

So, I had created a Toa. I would like to share it with you. I guarantee that if you follow my example, and do your own shadow work, then you will also experience the spiritual transformation of this path.

Tao of acousticsteveo


all lowercase

no space

a label
a moniker
meaning 6

a way to digest the moment

just one aspect
one mask
one moment

the love energy used
to manifest


is not important

but saying something
may be

the open gate
coming through

a baby
a body
i don’t remember

the back seat of a car
in a pumpkin seat
after a long journey

my mom is amazed that i remember
i remember a mom and a dad


i remember a time
in a crowded space
where i rode the hall
on a big wheel
dreaming of a bicycle

i asked my mom
where this memory
came from

who were the happy people
in the halls

she said this did not happen
there was no big wheel
there were no happy people
but i remember


the absorption
of ideas
in the feelings of infants

words of merit
become tangible
as we babble toward them

rocking the flotilla
toward expression


the smallest pieces of me are in you
my little sister
my little flower

we were launched together
into a world of challenges

your spirit was my armor
your tears were my salve
we were interchangeable
a song being sung
as a cheerful round
interlapping happiness
and friendship

your dark nights
awoke my brokenness
your suffering
stirred my mind

i can see us holding hands
standing on a table laughing

our dad was out the door
but we had each other


the cradle
from which my psych emerged
nestled in a crook of a mountain range


spooned out on the acreage

our very young minds
saw perfect beauty every


the stream matrix
the hillocks
the valley
the mountain footstool

a playground for youth
we would push to the edges

we fell into your arms
as we explored nature

the worried adults
we were constantly escaping from

into the grizzly forest
where elk made their beds
where wild turkeys
called to us
like garbled pied pipers

my eyes were transfixed
my heart was engaged
my cerebral makeup was made whole

is allowed
in the memory of your kiss


out the old river road
years later

nothing is the same

a woman in love with me
her child
my dad
my step mom

the ranch is still beautiful
but my memories have faded

my companions have sated
their slacking curiosity

mine still lingers


electric sunshine
the dappled rainbow trout
shouted everywhere
brooks and brooks

the triangulated
house setup

us at the far end as if ready to exit

horses and hay
coors in the stream
and the mysterious mountain man
that held an authority
without saying a thing

he chased us down a mountain once
acting like a big creature
his way of chastising us for disobedience
my cousin got his brunt
which i suspect was not too harsh
but i was not his

and yet i was

three sisters
started young marriages on the plot

one discovered she loved women
one was left alone with two kids
one had two kids and a husband

the only man left standing
that served as a bridge to my next dad


the birthday cake
with five candles
the smiling kid faces
a celebration of me

an important day

my mother invited
a man


you were doing the dishes
the phone began to ring
it was daddy
i was excited
i missed him
i didn't know where he was

you began to cry
you were angry
sis began to cry
so did i

i didn't see him for a long time after that
at some point i didn't know if i ever would again

he explained some things years later
that i could only understand as a man

according to him
he was told not to return
he has never been one to lie to me
neither have you

i have never spoken to you of this
mainly because i don't want to stir the pot

if it comes up

i'm ready


when live rolls around
you'd better
ride that coaster

like a cyclical

on top of a lake


back then
the world was large
and i was not

i was wrong
i just had not discovered

once the
new world
made its presence known
the exploration
could begin

and the limitless landscape
could be acknowledged

i am the new world


keep happening
every day

your eyes are silver violet
they draw me like a bow string

and the whispers
of our entwined chords
as they pass through the night breeze

lifting my spirit
high enough
toward love

to touch happiness


you were a big man
you had a gut
and now so do i

i was a skinny child
a skinny teen
a skinny young man

i didn't want to be skinny

in my thirties i manifested a stomach
a monument to you
i had a hidden gleeful reaction to the whole thing

but now as I heal from so many
of the things i've kept hidden

it's time to let go of you


is real
for children

i remember how we dreamed
the same dream on the same night

during the night
we swapped

i went to sleep on the top bunk
and awoke on the bottom

for you
visa versa

we played mermaid in the bathtub

sometimes i think neptune
spit us out upon the shore

meant to have the gift of each other
before the curtain
could be drawn
and the show

to always remember magic


i was excited to have a new dad
and new siblings

little did i know

you were excited to intertwine
our families

you were so nice before you brought
your boys

the day you brought them
to live with us
the gemini mask faltered
and my cousin
said you were a bad guy

he was right
but i loved you
in spite of your meanness

we were sitting in a tree
watching the dust kick up
on the winding dirt road
as you approached

the first thing you did
in front of my new siblings
was cut me down

i didn't know i wasn't supposed
to be in the tree

how could i have known

i wanted to please
and you made
my heart ache

this was the first injustice of many


when i fell in love with jesus
it had a lot to do with youth
church was weird
but jesus was cool
he loved the little children

and i was a little child

i liked the music
especially the singing

i wanted to sing the best
i'm still trying to sing the best

but not for jesus


i like to tell people that i once
lived in a school bus
in the mountains of montana

and that's true
but there's a lot more to it

the truth is that the school bus
was just a summer vacation
a nomadic sojourn
a stepping stone to the first home

fourth grade to mid eighth

a place where shallow roots
could cling to majestic dirt


dredging my past for moments
capturing simplicity
attempting to reconcile
to move on

when i was a young man
i was determined to tell it all
it's not that i wanted to expose
anyone or anything
as a matter of fact
quite the opposite

i thought death was the answer

not my death
but the death of those whom
i believed the truth
was a poison

i figured the secrets could live
until the reputations
were on to the next life

but it turns out the truth is my poison
and my cure


my two dads
were in different worlds

the close one was a stranger

but it didn't take long
for me to understand him

i saw a lot as a kid
even now as an adult
i think my child's
eyes hit the bullseye

he was his own master
he used to be a pastor
he lied and had secrets

his secrets became my secrets


the cascading plumage
of my childhood

constantly changed

on one such occasion
we had everything
packed into a sedan
on our way to a new

and our vehicle stopped working
knowing that

was quickly fading in the rearview
i wasn't too upset about
the delay


when the sun baked my skin
on that gorgeous day
swimming in the mountain stream
for too long

you cried
as my little body vomited
all over my bed

too much of anything
can become poison

but your mothering
let me know that i was
deep in your heart

and that you were a never
ending well
where this too much principle
did not


always flowed
so freely
through our throat

we had our little
tape recorder

and like parrots

we garbled out our little

later we moved on to songwriting

our first attempts
were like discovering
the cure
for sadness


when i was very young
the outside of me
did not matter
it had no matter
it was a dream for my experience

the rawness of self

but now
i am

and so are you


i thirst for the chalice
of your lips

the sacred night kiss

with passion

but the ruling
of your mind
have locked me out

i travel the past

to find a new way


the blade of my heart
was sharpened

after that
it was unleashed

it went around poking
and prodding
every crevasse
in search
of blood

the pain was transparent
like a clear balloon
floating through a baby blue sky

i died
and died

everyday the same way


magnetic majestic
moments of delirium
instigated by infusion
of plant


your wings were given
green and beautiful

budding to exception

our time together
was perilous and enlightening
at the same time

now i journey without
your sustenance

but I keep your wisdom


no work today
a tornado touched down

late last night

today i think back
to a time
when another twister
put us in a bathtub

our wee little bodies
our wee little minds
in the dark
with thrashing wind

this time was different
i was not afraid

only thankful
and tired


the plant is spiritual
very potent
it can be misused
most probably misuse it
i misused it

i wonder what my life would have
been like if i would have



the soft sun wednesday

i spoke to mercury

like a truncated trumpet trill
forced out into the world
to wake up lost campers

the turning table is turning
and i will turn with it

a respite from my past
a ticket to my present

boiling the broth
on low temp
for a minute
while i step away

it's been fun neptune
and the moon

but mercury wants a turn too


i can't help but
revel in my heart
at the bringing to light of

the truth

now we can all heal
from the secrets


the longest goodbyes

into middle age

a reckoning

whether you want it
or not


after a fact
and finding it a fiction
quite often

openness to
being incorrect
does not mean

for perfection takes
much time
much error
much effort
much love


a desert
how i imagine it

you keep telling me things i'm too young
to hear
i keep finding out about stuff
too soon

a cactus in the desert
alone for miles

you make me complicit
i learn to have secrets
other people's secrets

and my own


when i think of exchange
i think of energy


the threshold of such
is breaking down

but how far exactly will we go

let's find out


in finding love

become unmasked

they don't fall away
they linger under the surface
like a long lost

family member

then they float to the top
and confuse the love addict

but the love brings healing
of the self
when it has been exposed
as impotent

the pieces won't fit
and you're stuck
with the realization
that they were not meant to

each person is just another
random piece
trying to define the edges

the lucky ones
are given eyes
to see this

and begin work on the self


discovering words
are my forte
was like opening
a can of cream of mushroom soup
with a dull pocket knife
and eating from the can
with a plastic spoon

in the fifth grade
a poem of mine was published

the addict was born


a dream of a dead loved one
my arm over her shoulder
her health intact

for the strong image
of her face
the touch
everything unexpected
but feeling normal

sometimes gifts come out
of the unconscious


the body is important
it holds life

the soul is not paramount

for the soul can experience
soul stuff
but a life
needs the beauty
to manifest

if the body was lesser
to the soul
in the hierarchy of life on earth

than it wouldn't give us such
and pain


internalized conflict
is like a poison
if you leave it inside
for too long

release a safety valve
and let it slowly depressurize

feel the steam bleed away
listen to its voice fade

soon you will be able
to look at the puddle
under the nozzle
and realize
that you are free


the love of a child
is like that of a bumblebee

it flies around looking for beautiful
places to land
it likes nectar

make sure there are no

in your garden


paradise reckoning
bringing pastel life
to dark places

lighting up all the memories
with filtered love light


to redesign

the present


finding obstacles
for the footprints

no great feat of mind

just acceptance

whispers a lullaby
over time's shoulder
and we live the


early in life
i didn't have much conflict
conflict swirled around me
but inside
i was a rock

i hardened myself
crystalized my insides

i braced myself
for the next time
i would be hurled through
the woods

i am performing
the alchemy
for destabilization

so that i can
do my best
to perpetuate
more attuned
with addressing
the real conflicts

that were there
all along


is it true
that at times
we all hurt each other
on purpose

that we all have participated

or are there some
who say or do things that hurt

but it is not intentional

i think a part of being
is destruction

that if we are honest
we all have made digs
or torn another down
just to do it
we wanted to smash a mirror

but i also think
this madness
can cease
when we decide that hurting
others is

maybe there are some pure souls
who never act or talk to hurt

but i doubt it
i'd like to be wrong

i doubt it



these things take time to sort out


bleeding the mainstream
into the streets
charred to degrees
seeded with need

jump at the shoreline
toward a bowl moon

eat of the earth love
with a wooden spoon

dream like a cactus
dispelling your sun scorched

breathe into nothing
wing your surprise


the modern bore
can suffocate a fire
if the blanket

when it's an afghan

the holes
to the universe


beyond the cell membrane


is a process



to talk of you is taboo

you wait in our eyes
to glimmer

and fall away so slowly

i know your secret

your moments
upon moments

your invitation never closed
until i'm ninety
and even then
who knows

i was discussing heaven
with a friend of mine
a devout christian
whom i once
trapesed the maiden landscape with

i asked how sex
could not be a part of heaven


a pebble
tossed into a stream
hits the current
before settling

a boulder
coming loose
then rests

a brick laid
stays put
until it doesn't

an island

a cave
for explorers

a planet
cycles through life

just like us


a dream of coming

is one where love
is seen

the words fall away
the body takes over
the heart

is underrated


most of us want the best
but what are we doing to get it
what is required for it
what stands in our way

is not a destination

it is here
not reliant upon

it is felt when holding a child
when being a child
when being yourself

don't be afraid
of coming up with answers
instead of asking questions

your power
is real

embrace it


gripping at the reins
of every situation

pulling them
from side to side

break the spaces
of restraint
the lungs of descent

let us instead
lead with our hearts

into the darkness
to find the lost
and carry them


engraved on my heart
are the numbers
of all the seconds

i can not change the past
or my missteps

but i can move on
leaving it on the side
of some long lost highway

i will


each time
your love crashes

i explode in a microsecond

i become the blade
and you
the chalice

i bleed from my heart chakra
the elixir of youth
the dying embers of eternity

and push
and fall
your breasts
your lips
your hips

your secret place that my mind
has cloned


a dram
of a potent potion
of words

and shaken

like the foundations
of a religious fairy tale

where we
the lost sheep

are expected to believe

that fathers could be toyed with

and a benevolent god
could teach this way

at seven this made no sense
i should have listened
to the holy spirit
that knew
bs when

escaped the book everyone
around me worshiped
as the flesh
of a living


when your heart opens
to the understanding
that an innate sense
of right and wrong

you no longer have
to look elsewhere


being gentle
is tough work
when stupidity

but it is also
a diamond

compacted coal
made clear
if time

is given


the spartan spirit
worked well during bleak
everything in life

but now
the forming of clay

claims the lives of those
on less fortunate


the dragon in my bones
keeps eating at my heart
writhing in my skin
shedding its will
into my reality

i breathe its fire
i hold its anger

holds it in the iron cage

but i work toward a golden dawn
where my dragon
wings are jeweled
with wisdom

until then
i tend a drake


cosmic beings
from the stars

now on earth
umbrellaed by home

we imagine these things
change our appearance to attune
act as if it's so

but do we know

could it just be neptune
dreaming at the bottom of
our ocean


the circling

repeats until dead

exhausted by lies
it crawls from the mess
and is given the choice

to move on
or remain


the universe opens
and i explore

her vibrations
sound my inner dial
and i hear

my expression
of the inner voice
the new song

the scroll
a little



gypsy hearted fool
wandering through days

the love of the next
could be the crux
of this

looking to the blood red moon
for lingering signs

making escape hatch plans
delivering nothing
taking everything

still your mind
settle your space
give your self

in more


such a fickle thing
so easily broken
so easily dissolved

the eyes of the masses
are watching

one thing done
can destroy your trajectory
into the heights
of recognition

so fragile

some of us
have destroyed our status
our ability to be taken seriously

but this is a blessing
because we are now free
to speak our minds

without fear
for our worst nightmare
has already
proved the self protection racket
to be a programmed


disagreement is healthy
it gets the juices flowing
it stimulates the mind
if done right it causes

why not tap into the idea
that being wrong
is just a step
in being right

without the vulnerable
we can not dissolve
old boroughs
in favor of
nicer homes

which in time
will also crumble


what if we did what we wanted

why not

just start doing it

wake up and go to work
if your work sucks
find something else

don't sacrifice your being

if you want to play
have fun
for as long as you want

eventually you will want
to work again
because it satisfies your
need to participate
and your desire to express yourself

if you have obligations
don't cop out
but do make an escape plan
then live to manifest it

along with love


the budding sexuality
of my young heart
did not understand
the pictures shown

but the mysteries
were there

and i was determined
to find out about

there were others
left to our own devices
finding the corners
abandoned by adults
where our space was outside
of rules

had a structure existed
would i have found
the exploits
of brittle parenting

i will not make the same mistake
with my children
i will guard their innocence
i will allow adult things to enter
their lives
when they are able to understand


the teenagers
exposed me to their lust
when i was very young

these things happen a lot

maybe people should

whether or not to leave their
young children
alone with
those not vetted
by common sense
and reality

can you afford to trust
maybe not

i don't
i made the mistake once
i believe i lucked out
family does not equal safe

i know from experience
keep your children safe


soaring high above

is a way to cope

but eventually
you need to touch

radiating love
helps soften the landing

feeling the energy
of circumstances
as they come
and letting control

will also help

but perhaps
reflecting light
at the darkness
and being a solid soul
is the best response

leading to the healthiest


the rebirth after pain is ecstasy
letting go of fear
seeing the limitless potential
and letting it rock you
to sleep on the shoreline
of a mental beach construct

the suffering is but illusion
after it is done
it is gone

why hold the pain
in some pocket
in some recess of the subconscious

it will not cease
until it takes flight from your palms
like a dove
being lifted to the heavens


eating and cooking
the raw vegetables

a touch of salt

no longer touching poison
the pig food
for nearly a year

it feels so good
my body and mind thrum
at each meal


the calling comes
as a persistent chirp
the mind is overcome
the bleating apathy
is palpable

but the gift
and the gifted can not be denied

these things are the fingerprint
of struggle



detachment is escape
engage the problem head on

this world is solid for a reason
we can touch it for a reason

saturn requires adherence
to principles

time may be an illusion
but cycles are not
routine is not
climbing is not

suffering comes from
fretting over pain
but growth requires

build toward goals
without expectation

this is how to walk away from
the loose shackles
and travel through time
work hard

the enjoyment of engagement


the end of pain
is here
even the bite
of death
is gone

for joy has
opened my eyes
to the blessing
the miracle
of life on earth

there are dark forces
times of destruction
miles of mechanisms

but there are also


the seeds of our brethren
are round and solid
they form bodies
that experience

they manifest the future
they contain the past
they are supposed to live in the present

but they are lost
so they live in a vacuum

untie the ropes
let them fall to the deck
let the sails billow
and air out

find a destination to point towards
turn the wheel

and begin to sail
with intent


combination locks in hearts
take time to open

lifetimes perhaps
but they are worth fiddling with

when sprung
light illuminates
the well in the desert is found
it begins to nourish
for miles

each new hidden spring
finds another


when endings come
that is divine timing

be true

the secrets are everywhere
in a kiss
in a child
in words
in nature

be open
transform your identity
in the moment
why hold on to stagnation

build slowly and with intent
look for opportunities
be there for others

the blessings
of this life

on earth

excavate the earliest past
personal to you
to experience times
as an adult
and heal your
inner child
be your own parent
be your own best friend

and you will be a blessing

signed with love

Stephen Martin, 7/18/19

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As I neared my forties I was becoming increasingly disillusioned with government. My whole life I had seen nothing but its failures in solving the problems that surrounded me. Yet, along with my peers I was supposed to continue to believe it was the answer to all our social ills–if only it was correctly applied.

For me anarchy was always something I thought was associated with chaos. But like most things that go unexplored, the depths of what it had to offer was only unseen, and only by exploring those depths could the full picture emerge.

It all started with a search for astro-theology related info on YouTube. I’d been studying astrology, numerology, and the occult my entire adult life and I was searching for ways to explain how these things had led to the construction of the religions that our global society hold dear. During this search, I came across a YouTube channel called Mark Passio. My life would never be the same.

Anarchy had come to life and I had realized that I knew nothing about it. I also learned a lot about natural law which ties directly to anarchy. All anarchy means is no rulers. It simply illustrates that no one has the right to steal. This is precisely what government does. Government steals by coercion and thus creates slaves of us all. We allocate our responsibility to deal with those who are problems to a group of masters. In doing so we corrupt our entire society.

This post is not about arguing why anarchy is the solution to our social ills. it is merely to get you to question whether or not you have looked into it deep enough to discount it. I am going to offer a couple resources for you to do so. Let me know what you think.

Thank you.